PIERRE, SD — According to reports, young Martin Durfling had his dream of being an NFL referee completely crushed after learning he was born with a genetic condition that would prevent him from ever reaching the big leagues. After multiple visits, doctors confirmed that Durfling was born with 20/20 vision.
"Martin's taking it well, but we're in a daze as a family," said Martin's father while his wife wiped away tears with one of Martin's toy yellow flags. "How do you adjust to a new life that is suddenly void of your child's lifelong dream, simply because he was born with the unfortunate gift of sight?"
The Durfling family Optometrist said the family should have seen the warning signs in Martin early on, including his ability to make out large objects like trucks and houses. "The fact that he could watch a football game on television and know what was happening - we should have known," cried his mother, Donna. "If only he had suffered some terrible accident, like acid being splashed into his eyes, his dream would be alive. Why, Lord?"
At publishing time, Martin Durfling had embraced a new dream of becoming an NBA referee after learning to accept bribes.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
