ATLANTA, GA — Chick-fil-A has announced a new cauliflower sandwich as part of an effort to reach new customers in the godless heathen community.
"Let's face it, not everyone likes the Lord's blessed chicken," said Chick-fil-A menu director Leslie Neslage to reporters. "With this new cauliflower sandwich, we hope to attract a whole new clientele of godless Communist heathens to our restaurant!"
The new Cauliflower-fil-A is a boneless breast of cauliflower breaded and cooked to perfection in peanut oil, served with two pickle chips on a buttered, toasted bun. "Cover this thing in gobs of Chick-fil-A sauce and you won't even know the difference!" continued Neslage. "Let's face it — everyone knows our food is just a vehicle for the sauce anyway. All you people want is our sauce."
Already the Cauliflower-fil-A is creating a stir among vegans, heathens, and people who ride bicycles in the middle of the road. The company is hoping for 12% increase in revenue from these new markets.
The Cauliflower-fil-A will be served with a side of waffle cricket fries.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
