If you're a Dad who's always running around after your kids, doing house projects, and carrying in groceries, you may be burning more calories than you think! To avoid the shame of failing to maintain a perfect "Dad bod," use these tried-and-true tricks!
- Do Keto, but make exceptions for bread and beer and things of that nature: Call it Keto Plus!
- Follow the government's food pyramid: It helped cause an obesity epidemic, and it can work for you too!
- Always finish your children's leftovers no matter how much you've eaten already: Do it for Africa. And to avoid having to shop for smaller pants.
- Limit cardio to sprinting to the food counter when the In-N-Out lady calls your number: Order your fries "Animal-Style" to backfill any energy you expended.
- Skip the stairs and take the elevator instead: Knee strain can be a killer for young dads.
- Instead of replacing a meal with Slim Fast, drink it with your meal: It's like chocolate milk, but packed with more wonderful calories.
- Only get off the couch for things too heavy for the kids to bring you: A sedentary lifestyle is key!
- Beer! More BEER!!: Don't limit yourself to just eating mass amounts of calories. Drink them too!
- Sleep with your head in a bag of Doritos: Limit those late-night walks to the kitchen when you might accidentally get your metabolism going.
- Remember, anything can be wrapped in bacon: Vegetables, fruit, bread. The only limit is your imagination - and how much bacon you have.
If all these tricks sound too hard, just keep doing exactly what you're doing, buddy – you got this.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
