Christian Living
Charismatic Drive-In Service Requires All Cars To Have Hydraulics

FRESNO, CA—Windbreak Spirit Pentecostal Church announced last week that they would be holding drive-in Sunday services, but all participants will be required to have hydraulics installed on their cars.

With the liberal use of hydraulics, Pentecostal drive-in services can have the same energy and wild jumping around that their normal, in-person services have.

"In order to better facilitate a Spirit-filled worship time, all cars must be rollin' on phat hydraulics," said Pastor Vince Esperanza. "That way you can jump and sway along with the songs and make your car do crazy flips and stuff when the dope bridge hits."

As the church held its service this sunday, the fleet of worshipers' cars in front of the building started slowly bouncing along to "Holy Spirit." When the bridge of "Reckless Love" hit, though, the parking lot was bumping, with cars leaping from side to side and front to back as though an earthquake was ripping through the property.

"The Lord's power moves among us!" Esperanza shouted as the car carrying his pulpit started rocking like a boat in a hurricane. "Bounce in your dope whips, errybooooodyyyyyyy!!!"

A new experimental type of hydraulics will even allow the cars to roll around when the driver is truly moved by the Holy Spirit.

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