CDC Recommends Being Fully Vaccinated And Also Getting COVID For Strongest Immunity

ATLANTA, GA—In newly updated guidelines, the CDC is now recommending getting fully vaccinated and also getting COVID to achieve the strongest COVID immunity possible. 

"To achieve robust immunity, you must be fully vaccinated, then get a booster, then get a second booster, then get a third booster, and then get COVID," said CDC director Rochelle Walensky. "In addition to these things, you must also triple-mask and isolate yourself indoors at all times. And then, maybe get COVID again. If you do all those things, you should be pretty safe." 

Experts with the NIH, HHS, WHO, FDA, FBI, CIA, and the Bureau of Indian Affairs all have confirmed the CDC's findings as "infallible and immutable."

"It's important we do everything we can to stop this virus," said Walensky. "Please get COVID as soon as possible so you can be immune."

On the heels of the CDC's announcement, Pfizer is contributing to the fight for immunity with an expensive new service that just sends someone to your door to sneeze in your face. 

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.

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