ATLANTA, GA—Oops! The CDC has revealed that its chief researchers have been looking through their microscopes upside down this entire pandemic.
"Oh man! I wonder if this will change our projections," said one scientist as a visiting scientist from the private sector showed him the proper way to look through the device. "Hey, you can see the sample a whole lot clearer this way. Neato! Hoo boy, were we way off on everything!"
"No wonder our predictions were completely opposite of what happened! No wonder we keep having to revise our guidelines! Silly us! Oh well -- hope we didn't destroy the entire economy based on those faulty models from back when we were looking through the microscopes upside down."
Those rascally scientists! What goofballs!
At publishing time, NASA had admitted the earth was only 6,000 years old after realizing they had been looking through their telescopes backward all this time.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.