Calvinist Church Hosts Bingo Night, Just Selects Winners Ahead Of Time
Church · Mar 7, 2019 · BabylonBee.com

DENVER, CO - Sovereign Grace First Reformed Church hosts a bingo night every few months to reach out to the surrounding community of seniors and provide a fun night for its own elderly church members.

But it's not a typical bingo night. Instead of picking winners at random, the pastor simply elects a chosen few to win the night beforehand and informs the winners upfront.

"Rather than going through the motions of so-called 'random selection' of bingo numbers, we will simply inform you when you arrive whether or not you were chosen to win," Pastor John McDavies said. "It will save a lot of time so we can move on to more important matters."

As the crowd, mostly consisting of the church's more "seasoned" members, arrived, they excitedly discussed whether or not they would be selected. "Remember last time, when you got selected and I didn't?" said Bud Nanders, 79, to his friend Paul. "That was classic. A really great time of fellowship. I hope I get chosen this time."

Finally, the moment of truth came. Pastor John announced the seven chosen winners of the night and handed out their prizes. "Tonight's winners are Ethel, Gertrude, Bernie, Earl, Charity, Paul, and Jean. Stick around for refreshments." "The rest of you lose and get nothing. Have a great night, everyone!"


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