Politics U.S.
Man Defends Own Terrible Political Party By Pointing Out How Terrible Other Political Party Is

SIMI VALLEY, CA—While having a polite political discussion with a coworker over coffee Thursday morning, local man Peter Wilkins rushed to the defense of his chosen terrible political party by pointing out that the other political party is, in fact, also terrible.

Wilkins was able to justify every horrific evil committed by the people he helped put in office by simply explaining that the other major political party would also have committed horrific acts of evil.

"Yeah, the guys I vote for are really despicable---but the guys I didn't vote for are also really despicable," he said, sipping an Americano. When he realized his coworker, Jeff, was still waiting for him to explain himself, he simply said, "I think I've made my point."

When pressed on why he would lend his support for a party that does lots of awful things, he took a moment to think before responding. "Well, that's a valid question. Let's take a moment and look at all the awful things the other guys do." After pointing out all the bad things the other party supports, Wilkins relaxed in his chair, resting in the knowledge that he had successfully defended the repulsive acts of his favorite political party by not confronting them at all and instead deflecting to the repulsive acts of the other guys.

"I mean, if it were legal to vote for anyone other than the two horrible parties, I would. But laws are laws," he concluded, shrugging.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

There is 1 comment on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.