SACRAMENTO, CA—Gavin Newsom announced a plan today to issue special government ID cards to Democrat politicians allowing them to break lockdown rules.
Should a Democrat leader be caught eating at a fancy restaurant, flying to Hawaii with some lobbyists, or traveling to Mexico for vacation, they'll simply need to show their Democrat politician ID card, and they'll be off the hook.
"We are following the SCIENCE!" Newsom said. "And the SCIENCE! says that only Republicans and poor people can really spread this thing. We Democrat leaders are a low-risk group. In fact, medical experts are telling me I am completely immune due to the large quantity of hair gel I use every day."
"SCIENCE!" he added for no reason in particular.
He also proposed marking non-Democrat politicians with special patches so they are easily identifiable when they are breaking the law by walking outside or eating a burger and can be arrested on sight.