U.S. — The state of California has officially annexed the state formerly known as Texas.
Texas has flown six different flags over the years, going from Spanish to French to Mexican rule before becoming an independent nation. After a stint of secession during the Civil War, Texas has been part of the U.S. as the Lone Star State for over 150 years. That chapter came to a close last night.
"Welcome to California," announced Governor Gavin Newsom, as the California flag was raised over the Capitol in Austin. "You're going to love it here. Just look at what has become of California over the past decades. This is what's in store for all of you lucky people."
The annexation was reportedly accomplished without a single shot being fired, thanks to a years-long operation involving thousands of U-Hauls. "We thought they were refugees," said longtime Texas resident Dale Patterson. "By the time we figured out it was an invasion, it was too late."
Newsom assured Texans that their cherished traditions would be preserved, with barbecue restaurants permitted to resume smoking brisket as soon as a nine-year environmental review could be completed. Residents were also informed that their beloved slogan "Come and Take It" would now apply to their paychecks.
At publishing time, Californians had begun fleeing Texas.
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