LOS ANGELES — A 113 - 111 victory for the Denver Nuggets was suddenly upset by a surprise Lakers win thanks to the California State Assembly coming in clutch with ten extra points as a form of overdue slavery reparations. Commentators are already calling it the most incredible comeback in NBA history.
"Congratulations to the Lakers on their historic win," said Governor Gavin Newsom in a statement.
African American players for the Denver Nuggets were reportedly dismayed because they were probably also slaves at some point in their past. "Hey, I'm black, too!" said Nuggets point guard Jamal Murray. "I know I'm Canadian, but still. Where are my free points?"
Lakers reporter Mike Trudell is calling the last-minute decision by NBA referees a dangerous precedent for the sport. "What's preventing the Lakers from claiming more reparations and retroactively winning every championship in the history of the game?"
Mike Trudell was coincidentally fired shortly after his comments.
Controversially, the extra points were awarded to the Lakers after the buzzer had sounded at the end of the fourth quarter. The game had already been settled when the results were overturned, but a majority of white Californians who have never owned slaves generally agree it was the right thing to do.
"They're African-American," said Lakers fan Ben Frappe. "It wouldn't be right for them to lose."
At publishing time, notoriously white Lakers player Austin Reaves had apologized for maybe being related to a slave owner at some point in his ancestry.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.