LOS ANGELES, CA - The National Weather Service issued a "Hypothermia Warning" this week after temperatures throughout California dropped below 68ºF. Californians have been advised to stay indoors and burn pictures of Donald Trump for warmth.
Gov. Gavin Newsom issued a statement this morning in which he took pre-emptive credit for weathering the citizenry through this weather crisis. He then pointed out that if everyone bought an electric car we wouldn't be in this mess because "climate change is very real."
"Remember, we're all in this together!" he said from his gold-plated hot tub.
According to sources, thousands of Californians have reported feeling "chilly" and "brrr!" Many are feeling abandoned by the Biden administration given that he previously called climate change "the number one issue facing humanity."
"Who cares about Ukraine? I have goosebumps!" said Amber Whambulance while literally freezing to death. "I don't understand what's happening!"
To make matters worse, reports are coming in that residents of North Dakota are laughing and laughing. It is yet unclear if Californians will survive this cold reception.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
