WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources, there's a thing going on in Washington D.C. related to some sort of impeachment trial in the Senate, but we're not really sure because no one is really paying attention to it and it looks pretty lame.
Maybe we're wrong -- we saw a tweet about it from USA Today, but it only had 3 Likes so it probably wasn't that important. Then, we scrolled by a video of some old guy in a wrinkled suit with frizzy hair talking about some sort of "impeachment" thing but it looked boring so we didn't bother pressing the "unmute" button to listen to it.
Presumably, there's some sort of "major existential threat" to democracy or something. Must have been important because the guy in the video was yelling and pounding on the lectern a lot. That's good -- it probably means he's doing great work for the American people and not wasting all our time and taxpayer dollars in any way.
It seems like all these politicians really care about it and The New York Times keeps posting to social media about it, which obviously means it's really important because those people are really smart and always have the right priorities.
But it seems like they have it covered, so whatever.