Bounty On Groot Skyrockets Due To Spike In Lumber Prices
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TERRA—The bounty on notorious criminal Groot's head has skyrocketed following a sharp increase in lumber prices across the galaxy, sources confirmed Monday.

The member of the outlaw group known as the "Guardians of the Galaxy" -- wanted for violent assaults, escaping prison, more nefarious mercenary acts -- previously had a bounty issued in the amount of $100,000 in Terran dollars, but that number has shot way up, with bounty hunters now seeking him out for the sum of $10,000,000.

"It's just supply and demand," said one member of a Ravager clan. "Builders are seeking lumber right now, which is in short supply. And Groot is a highly sought-after Flora colossus, desirable for its application in building homes and businesses. While he was previously wanted for his criminal acts, he's now wanted more for his potential as a building material."

Groot strongly condemned the increased bounty on his head, saying, "I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot." When pressed, he added, "I am Groot," leaving little doubt as to where he stands.

Reporters also sought comment from Treebeard. He has promised a statement but only got out the word "hello" by publishing time.

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