WASHINGTON, D.C. — At a recent support group to help journalists deal with having little to write about concerning the commander in chief, one member of the White House press expressed frustration at having such a flawless U.S. president.
"I'm just sick and tired of having a President so free of fault or blemish that I have nothing to write about," said Peter Baker, chief White House correspondent for The New York Times. "One can write only so many repetitive articles announcing popular, non-controversial executive orders before wishing the President would trip, or maybe muddle his words. Ugh, anything."
Baker is not alone in his journalistic malaise. Numerous journalists from high-profile publications such as The Washington Post and The Atlantic have languished in boredom since Biden's inauguration.
Many members of the press have even attempted to trip up the President with queries meant to perplex and befuddle. Alas, questions such as, "How are you?" and "Who are you?" have only been met by the man's wit and wisdom sure to inspire some future Broadway dance-rap-musical.
At publishing time, journalists had grown hopeful after learning the walls were most assuredly closing in on Trump with a second, airtight indictment.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.