DEL RIO, TX — Impressed by the efficiency of Martha's Vineyard in expelling their migrants in less than 48 hours, several border towns in Texas have begun adopting best practices from the affluent Massachusetts island. One prominent change that Del Rio has already made is replacing their "Welcome To Del Rio" sign with a "Welcome To Martha's Vineyard" sign so that migrants will know that there are not enough resources, they are not wanted, and they need to leave immediately.
"We've never seen anything like it – the Martha's Vineyard team had the migrants gone in 48 hours flat! We haven't ever been able to put up numbers like that, so we're taking a page out of their playbook." Del Rio resident Dee Porter spoke to reporters about the "Unwelcome Committee" that the town has formed to study the methods used at Martha's Vineyard for migrant removal.
While Del Rio's new Unwelcome Committee has implemented some more creative methods for making the migrants feel unwelcome, they confirmed that adding the "Welcome to Martha's Vineyard" sign was priority number one, since Martha's Vineyard was the original inspiration for forming the committee and remains the "gold standard" for speedy migrant removal. Del Rio has already started playing the song "Closing Time" on the town's PA system as well and placed orders for flashing neon signs that say "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here" in the "arrivals" section of the airport.
Other border towns have taken similar approaches, with Rio Grande City also taking a page out of the Martha's Vineyard playbook by calling in the national guard to remove the migrants. The national guard responded in record time when they saw the "Welcome to Martha's Vineyard" sign and thought that a Democratic vacation town was being inundated rather than "the usual flyover state that can probably handle it anyway."
At publishing time, the Justice Department has launched an investigation of the border towns that have begun using the methods that Martha's Vineyard used to remove their migrants since those methods are only supposed to be for rich white Democratic strongholds.
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