NASHVILLE, TN - Local man Jack Orchard called his son over the weekend and left a voicemail on his phone when he didn't answer. According to sources, Orchard, being a boomer, had no idea that no one leaves or listens to voicemails anymore.
"Hey son, it's your Dad," Orchard began in his unnecessarily long voice message. "I thought you'd be up since it's 5 AM on a Saturday, but maybe you're not. Your wife told me you have a leaky faucet. I know how to fix a leaky faucet, so I could help, but I also saw a commercial for a local plumber on Fox News last night and they're running a special on leaky faucets. I'd give you the number but I can't remember it off the top of my head. I think the name started with 'R.' I'm not sure. I thought maybe you'd know since it's a local company. Anyway, I hope the kids are doing fine. Give me a call when you get this. My number is 545-6441. You probably have it in your Rolodex."
The remainder of the 17-minute voicemail featured random sounds from inside Orchard's pants pocket as he had forgotten to hang up the phone after leaving his message.
Local son Sam Orchard later saw he had missed a call from his Dad and responded with a text, saying "Sup?"
The frustrated Jack Orchard responded, saying "Hey Google, please send a text message to Sam asking him why he didn't listen to my voicemail."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
