SEATTLE, WA — Amid growing concerns over safety after several devastating mechanical failures on Boeing 737-9 Max aircraft, Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun assured hesitant travelers that all their aircraft are built according to the highest standards of diversity.
"I know everyone is nervous about the doors of their planes blowing off the aircraft mid-flight or the entire fuselage buckling due to faulty parts, but let me assure you: Boeing is diverse," said Calhoun in a CNBC interview. "In fact, our design and manufacturing crews are the most diverse in our company's history. Nothing to worry about."
Boeing is facing NTSB investigations after several mechanical failures that caused Alaska Airlines to ground all 737-9 Max aircraft. Calhoun said such concerns are unwarranted. "We have women, people of color, and even autistic paraplegics working on the 737," he said. "There's nothing safer than a plane built by diversity!"
At publishing time, 3 more airlines had grounded the aircraft, likely because they hate diversity.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
