Blizzard Adds President Xi To 'Overwatch' Roster

ANAHEIM, CA—In a surprise announcement at BlizzCon over the weekend, Blizzard confirmed they've added President Xi to the Overwatch roster of heroes.

Blizzard has denied that the move was made to appease China.

"Here he is, the hero you've all been waiting for, the great, flawless leader... President! Xi! Jinping!" Blizzard President J. Allen Brack declared in a speech. There were several boos from the crowd, but these quickly disappeared after the sounds of muffled sniper fire. 

"We know we've handled this Hong Kong thing poorly, and this is our way to apologize to you, the fans," he added. "You can play as the great hero President Xi, he whom we all love, adore, and cherish."

President Xi will be invulnerable in the game, of course, and will have overpowered abilities, such as the "Secret Police" ability, which lets him immediately arrest all the other players, detain them indefinitely, and execute them if desired. He will also have the "Puppet String" ability where he can make other players do whatever he wants by dangling cash in front of them.

Blizzard will also be banning anyone who doesn't select Xi while playing the game and reporting them to Chinese authorities.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.