PYEONGCHANG, KOREA - Displaying a total disregard for gender equality, organizers of the 2018 Winter Olympics have segregated the world's largest athletic competition into two categories, strictly on the basis of sex.
Viewers were shocked to discover discriminatory events like "Men's Speed Skating" and "Women's Ice Hockey" on the program. The bigoted, intolerant separation of male and female athletes triggered a series of angry protests, and the hashtag #OlympicsPatriarchy began trending on Twitter.
"They are still trying to tell us that men and women are different," complained one protestor. "Don't they know we have achieved the age of gender fluidity? It's 2018."
Activists hope to eliminate gender divisions for the 2020 Summer Games, at which time they plan to boycott the Olympics over the inevitable gender medal gap that will result.