Politics
Biden Shouts At Webcam From Three Inches Away For Entire Remote Press Conference

WASHINGTON, D.C.—"It was like trying to video chat with your grandparents," said one supporter after trying to watch Joe Biden's latest press conference. "The whole thing was pretty painful."

Like other candidates, Biden has moved his press conferences and rallies online, giving speeches for several minutes or until he becomes completely incoherent, whichever comes first. But Biden has struggled with the move to technology, being unable to see the people he's talking to and not being able to sniff anybody's hair. What's more, he still hasn't figured out how to operate even the simplest streaming video software.

"Is this thing on? Can you guys see me? Hello! Hello! Hello!" Biden shouted for several minutes on end, never able to get his entire face in the frame throughout the press conference. "Hellooo! Is anybody in there?" He was then informed that nobody is actually in the computer, confusing him further.

The increasingly agitated presidential candidate finally threatened to fight the laptop and then challenged it to a push-up contest. Aides rushed into the room in hazmat gear and gently coaxed him to the game room for Bingo and his meds.

"They don't make these computron doohickeys like they used to, I tell you what!" he shouted while being dragged away.

 

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