Biden Wears Mask On Zoom Call In Case COVID Has Mutated Into A Computer Virus
Health

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Joe Biden was seen wearing a mask in a climate summit with world leaders, despite his being vaccinated and despite the conference being virtual and held over Zoom. This has made some wonder if Biden even understands how a virus works, but Biden says he’s just being cautious.

“We can’t let our guard down just because we’re vaccinated and alone in a room,” Biden told reporters with a megaphone while standing twenty feet away. “See, there is this little thing called a ‘computer virus.’ Ha, I bet you thought I was some out-of-touch boomer who doesn’t know about computers. Well, for one thing, I’m too old to be a boomer -- I’m the generation before that -- and I’ve used typewriters since I was a kid -- which is a lot like a computer before you attach the TV. So I know all about computers, and they get viruses. Maybe COVID. Who knows? Better to wear a mask around them.”

Doctor Fauci agreed with Biden’s assessment. “We haven’t done any studies about coronaviruses becoming computer viruses and computer viruses transferring to humans,” Fauci said, “so we can’t rule that out. I would stay away from computers as much as possible, and if you are around a computer, put a mask over the part where the fan vents. And as I keep saying, if at all possible, please just lock yourself in a large footlocker in your basement, as that’s the safest way to ride out this pandemic.”

Others aren’t convinced and have made fun of Biden for his seemingly pointless mask-wearing with nicknames such as “Dumb Biden,” “Stupid Biden,” and “Biden -- Not a Smart Man.” Still, Biden persists with his extra caution and was last seen wearing a mask alone in the bathroom while fixing his hair. “Mirror Joe Biden could have COVID, for all I know,” he explained.

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