PHILADELPHIA, PA - Biden's town hall last night was filled with undecided voters. The first one the moderator called on was a hard-working Irish-American immigrant named Henry O'Clintonhan.

"Thank ye for takin' me question," O'Clintonhan said, adjusting his large red beard and giant green hat. "Me question is: why is Donald Trump such a bad man, and how-are-ya such a great one, my lad?"

It seemed like a slam-dunk for Biden, but he was flustered, shouting one of his silly gaffes that "the bad woman is here" and "she's trying to take me out again, please send help." After a brief intermission, he came back with a glassy look in his eye and was much calmer.

After getting his question answered, O'Clintonhan did a little jig-dance out of the town hall crying, "Biden's policy positions are magically delicious!"