WASHINGTON, D.C. - After pressure from suffering special interest groups across the country - and upon the realization that Vice President Harris was about to kick him out of the White House - President Biden quickly signed an executive action to extend the eviction moratorium today.
"Listen folks, I have a wife and kids! I won't survive on these mean streets! We gotta extend this moratorium. It's probably unlawful but shucks - if anyone comes after me on this, I'll just tell 'em I'm senile! Then I'll shoot my double-barreled shotgun through the front door! BLAMMO! No joke!"
Kamala Harris secretly fumed as Biden signed the papers, preventing her evil plan to evict the President for at least another few months.
"Good job Joe! You did it! Sign those papers, Joe! HAA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
The aides and press in the room felt a cold shiver run down their spines at the sound of Kamala's warm and jolly laughter.
Real-estate investing mega-corporation Blackrock applauded Biden's decision, as another moratorium should be effective at bankrupting the country's remaining landlords, forcing them to sell all their remaining properties to Blackrock.
According to sources, Biden will be quarantining himself in the Oval Office with a double-barreled shotgun until the end of his first and last term.