WASHINGTON, DC — In a speech given to a vast crowd of twelve, President Joe Biden officially declared "Make America Great Again" to be the three most dangerous words in the world.
"These three words are deadly for multiple reasons," Biden said angrily as he leaned in bizarrely close to the podium's microphone. "A: They are a racist gaslight used by white super-premecists and ultra-Hitlers across the country. Two: They give a false impression that America should be great. And D: They give a false impression that America should be great."
The Biden administration has long believed that the Donald Trump-led "MAGA" movement was a haven for domestic terrorism masquerading under the guise of millions of American citizens who believe in the traditional values upon which the United States was founded.
The former President quickly responded in a post to his Truth Social account. "The fact that Biden thinks ‘Make America Great Again' is only three words just shows you how dangerous it is for him to be in charge. I am able to count words, I have counted so many words, probably better than any other President ever," Trump said. "This is just another example of the horrible witchhunt perpetrated on me and my beautiful MAGA voters. Sad!"
At publishing time, White House staff was busy coordinating an effort to help the President regain his rudimentary counting ability, including adding My First Counting Book to the stack of reading material on the Oval Office desk and scheduling daily viewings of Sesame Street during his afternoon juice and snack time.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.