WASHINGTON, D.C. — After finally testing negative for COVID, President Biden has invited a group of kids back to the White House to see if his sense of smell has returned.
"Man, I haven't sniffed a kid in weeks," said Biden as he finally removed his mask and picked up a potted plant he mistook for a kid. "Where are all the little tikes? Bring 'em all back! I hope my sense of smell has fully returned!"
After throwing up in their mouths a little, aides gently reminded the President that kids had been barred from the grounds for their protection.
"Come on, man! You all don't know how to have any fun. What am I supposed to do all day without any kids to sniff? Someone bring me some ice cream! I want chocolate chip!" Biden yelled.
White House staff carefully informed Biden that Ukrainian President Zelensky was on the phone and there was no time to eat ice cream.
"What kind of a name for a kid is Zelensky? What's he smell like, anyway?"
At time of publishing, Biden's frustrated staff just decided to avoid further issues by telling everyone he had COVID again.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
