WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Democrats nervous that Biden's handling of immigration and the border could cost them the election, President Biden defiantly boasted to a small crowd of supporters that he could let illegal migrants shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose any votes.

"Listen, folks, it's nothing to worry about. I just imported, 8 million, 80 thousand, trillion-billion, 80 million, thousand new voters from across the southern border," said Biden. "I have enough support from migrants, ballot harvesters, and unsupervised mail-in ballot drop boxes to win every election forever. Even if a bunch of migrants shot a guy on 5th Avenue, I wouldn't lose any support! Come on, man!"

"The President's statement was appalling," said Senator Mitch McConnell to reporters. "Why would we let migrants shoot people on 5th Avenue when we could be letting them work under the table for below minimum wage at the corporations who donate to Republicans? Mr. Biden should know better."

Independent sources later confirmed Biden's bold claim after an illegal migrant shot someone on 5th Avenue and the President lost no votes.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.