Angels Switch From 'Fear Not' To 'Bro, Chill' When Appearing To Gen Z Audience
Theology · Feb 26, 2024 ·

HEAVEN — In a decision that changes thousands of years of protocol for interaction with mankind, a spokesangel has confirmed that all angels will switch from saying "Fear not" to "Bro, chill" when appearing suddenly to a Gen Z audience.

"Bro, chill! Don't trip, fam, I got some lit news that'll make you hype!" — official sources confirmed this will now be the standard opening line for angels to use when they appear to someone under the age of 27.

"It's just a better fit for these strange new people we're speaking to," said the spokesangel. "Believe me, this change was not made flippantly. We've been starting things off with ‘Fear not' for a really long time. And for good reason, too. I mean, look at us. Nearly every time a human sees us, they lose all, and I mean ALL, of their chill. After thousands of years, we figured it was time to change up the script a little."

Early reports from a recent trial run of the new greeting were promising. "It's working well so far," the spokesangel said. "One of us materialized out of thin air at a coffee shop in Nashville last week and used the new opening line. The guy he was talking to was still completely horrified, but ‘Bro, chill' just vibed a lot better. Not nearly as stuffy and old-fashioned as ‘Fear not.' We'll keep workshopping it."

At publishing time, the spokesangel also confirmed that they were considering having every angel end their interaction with a Gen Z human with "No cap!"

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.

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