BERLIN — Biden announced last evening the signing of the Tripartite Pact, a military alliance that solidifies the union of our nation's military with those of Benito Mussolini's Italian forces and Emperor Hirohito's Empire of Japan. "We will be a great axis of nations," Biden said as he pounded on his lectern during his announcement of the signing of the pact. "Together we shall be unstoppable. The stronger must dominate and not mate with the weaker, which would signify the sacrifice of its own higher nature. Only the born weakling can look upon this principle as cruel, and if he does so it is merely because he is of a feebler nature and narrower mind; for if such a law did not direct the process of evolution, then the higher development of organic life would not be conceivable at all." Mussolini and Hirohito have distanced themselves from Biden's "extremist and inflammatory" comments.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
