WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a campaign rally Friday, Democratic candidate Joe Biden unveiled his bold healthcare proposal, a plan that would allow Joe Biden to personally provide healthcare for every woman in the nation.

At a time when many Americans are concerned about rising healthcare costs under Obamacare, Biden assured his supporters he would take matters into his own hands and make sure no bureaucrats get in the way of Joe Biden and the nation's women.

"Other candidates may be offering medical care for all, but are they going to give you that personal touch?" Biden said. "It's so cold and unfeeling, the kind of out-of-touch healthcare these other candidates want to provide. There's all this red tape. They don't get to know you on a personal level. Like, what if you have something wrong with the back of your neck? How are these establishment politicians ever going to know?"

"I for one promise never to let that happen to you, as I'll be inspecting your neck myself."

The plan has been criticized as impractical and "kinda creepy," but the critics were probably right-wing Nazis or something.