WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden has come out strongly against the scourge of the poliovirus this week as his administration announced an ambitious goal of developing a vaccine for polio by May 1st, 2021.
“Polio outbreaks have been disabling more than 35,000 people each year, people are scared to leave their house without a mask, and in a modern first-world country like the United States of America there is no reason for that,” declared the President. “We have got to do better, especially if we are going to be strong and healthy enough to counter the threat from the Soviets.”
The Biden administration decried the amount of precious time wasted by the outgoing Trump administration, who didn’t talk about Polio at all with the American public.
“If we all combine our efforts, our industrial and scientific know-how, I know all us Americans can come out on top, just like we did in our last war against the Nazis and the Japanese. If we don’t have any malarkey we may even someday see a return to normalcy like outdoor community gatherings, perhaps even in time for our Independence Day.”
Researchers at America’s top pharmaceutical companies have confirmed that they will have enough polio vaccine for the entire nation by Biden’s ambitious deadline.
At publishing time, President Biden was being brought up to speed on the cold war with the Soviet Union and the launch of Sputnik.