BURLINGTON, VT—Bernie Sanders expressed bewilderment this week after the announcement that two separate U.S. drug companies have successfully produced a vaccine for COVID while socialist countries like Cuba and Venezuela have not yet announced such a breakthrough.
"I happen to believe," said Bernie to supporters. "That Cuba and Venezuela invest more in their healthcare than we do. They are more compassionate. They are more advanced. There's no way they haven't produced a vaccine already. They are probably just keeping it secret so American capitalist billionaires don't steal it!"
Cuba has assured the world that they produced a "better, cheaper" vaccine than the American drug companies but they misplaced it and they're sure it will turn up soon.
Venezuela also claims to have a 100% effective treatment for COVID but that it was stolen by a pack of feral cats. They have assured the world they will find it shortly.
North Korea claims they have had a vaccine for years but they don't even need it because people never get sick there.
Sanders is calling for complete government control of healthcare in hopes that America will catch up to these other, more developed countries.