SACRAMENTO, CA—This week, as citizens in every district languished inside their homes, barely scraping by on take-out food and frozen dinners, Supreme Chancellor of the Capital Gavin Newsom attended a lavish dinner with other wealthy aristocrats. He was seen by hidden cameras sporting his favorite $3,000 pink hairdo and wearing the garish clothing often favored by important officials in the Capital.
"What a splendid feast!" said the unmasked Newsom as he sat down in a large group of 427 similarly dressed rich people eating veal and drinking wine. "I do wonder what the lowly citizens are up to. Probably playing with sticks in the dirt! Haha ha ha!"
The entire table then laughed through their noses the way rich people do in movies.
After the meal, they all shared a dessert of candied sea turtle eggs wrapped in gold before enjoying the evening festivities where they pulled homeless people from the nearby tent city and forced them to sing and dance for them.
After receiving some criticism from angry citizens, Gavin Newsom apologized, saying "it was an honest mistake that could happen to anyone." He then sent brute squads to the angry citizens' homes to recruit them for the next Hunger Games.