WASHINGTON, D.C. - Bernie Sanders has come out against charter schools. He is not a fan of the inequality and quality education they create. Sanders continued his attack on the schools this week, saying he would ban for-profit charter schools if elected president.

But in the meantime, the senator from Vermont has introduced official legislation to back his position: the No Child Left Ahead Act, a bill that would ban students from actually receiving a decent education in the public school system.

"No child deserves to get left ahead with a really good education," Sanders said, wagging his finger as though it were a foam finger at a sporting event. "We will not stand for students getting a good education in this country. We can look to some socialist countries like the Soviets and the Venezuelans for an example: total equality. Everyone gets a bad education."

"I will not rest until all students are receiving equally mediocre instruction in the public school system," he added, his finger seeming to take on a life of its own as it flopped and waggled around the room like a deli sausage in the wind.

"Also we should eat zoo animals."