Home > Politics > In Move To Ban Charter Schools, Bernie Sanders Introduces 'No Child Left A...
Politics U.S.
In Move To Ban Charter Schools, Bernie Sanders Introduces 'No Child Left Ahead Act'

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Bernie Sanders has come out against charter schools. He is not a fan of the inequality and quality education they create. Sanders continued his attack on the schools this week, saying he would ban for-profit charter schools if elected president.

But in the meantime, the senator from Vermont has introduced official legislation to back his position: the No Child Left Ahead Act, a bill that would ban students from actually receiving a decent education in the public school system.

"No child deserves to get left ahead with a really good education," Sanders said, wagging his finger as though it were a foam finger at a sporting event. "We will not stand for students getting a good education in this country. We can look to some socialist countries like the Soviets and the Venezuelans for an example: total equality. Everyone gets a bad education."

"I will not rest until all students are receiving equally mediocre instruction in the public school system," he added, his finger seeming to take on a life of its own as it flopped and waggled around the room like a deli sausage in the wind.

"Also we should eat zoo animals."

Readers of the Bee,

If you value The Babylon Bee and want to see us prevail against Snopes and anyone else who might seek to discredit or deplatform us, please consider becoming a subscriber. Your support really will make a difference.