HONG KONG—As soon as Bernie Sanders heard about the democratic protesters in Hong Kong, he knew something had to be done. The U.S. senator quickly chartered a flight to Hong Kong in order to throw himself into the fray.
Sanders bravely stood in the middle of the conflict between police and protesters, shouting at the "ungrateful little dissenters" that they don't know how good they have it under a Communist regime.
"Remember, you could have it a lot worse---you could be in America!" Sanders bellowed as police officers for the totalitarian regime beat protesters in the background. "Hey, you! You on the floor there! You're not looking very appreciative of living in one of the greatest Communist countries on earth!" Sanders continued his long-winded rant about the need for the government to own the means of production, how great breadlines are, and how bad things are in capitalist America as protesters got dragged away by police to be disappeared.
"Just think---in America, we have to pick between 14 different types of deodorant!" he said, his fingers flopping around like limp sausages.
According to sources, Beto O'Rourke is planning on joining Sanders to inform Chinese citizens how lucky they are that they don't live in a racist country like America.
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