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Prodigal Son Kicked Back Out After Old Tweets Surface

ISRAEL—There was a certain man who had two sons, and the younger son demanded his inheritance and then wasted it all in a distant country. When the son came crawling back, begging for forgiveness, the father made a huge celebration to mark the return of his prodigal son.

But that celebration was cut short when old tweets the younger son had written surfaced, some of which were characterized as racist.

Though the son apologized for those tweets as well, he was immediately kicked out of the house. “He was dead and is alive again,” the father said, “but is now dead again, because he is garbage." As he said this he clapped his hands in a real-life approximation of clapping emojis between in each word.

“You have to watch what you say, because the internet is forever,” said the older son, who had uncovered the tweets. “And sorry, if you say the wrong things, there’s just no coming back from that. Now, excuse me, we already slaughtered the fatted calf and need to eat that before it goes bad.”

The younger son headed back to the distant country to try to get his job back feeding swine, but his employer had heard of his tweets and informed him he was "canceled."

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