DANA POINT, CA—Speaking on a seedy midday infomercial on Friday, faith healer Benny Hinn finally unveiled this year's major Black Friday deal from Benny Hinn Ministries: two fake healings for the price of one.
Hinn normally only fakes one healing in exchange for a large donation, but today only, he'll fake a second healing absolutely free.
"Pay attention, because you're not gonna want to miss this," he said with a dramatic flare. "If you call right now and pledge a 'love offering' of $40,000 or more, not only will I pretend to heal one malady, disease, or dismemberment, but I'll fake-heal another one, completely free! You heard me right: FREEEEEEE!!!"
"Why would I do this, you ask? Because I'm Crrrrrrraaaaaazy Benny!!!!" Hinn's commercial quickly took on a dark tone, with the prosperity preacher threatening to kick a puppy until someone phoned in a love offering. "You'd better call right now to get this amazing offer, or the puppy gets it," he growled.
Fine print in the commercial clarified that Hinn is not responsible for loss of faith, discouragement, and disillusionment with God and the Bible when you discover his ministry is all a sham.