DANA POINT, CA—According to sources close to the famous prosperity gospel televangelist, a terrified, trembling Benny Hinn suddenly realized God might actually be real while preparing for another night of fleecing Christians into giving him millions of dollars.
Reviewing the order of service for his Special Healing Night to be held in Orange County, California, Hinn was reportedly mining a copy of the Bible for carefully rehearsed lines designed to emotionally manipulate people into giving him money when the realization struck him like a freight train.
Accidentally spotting a verse he had never seen before, Hebrews 10:31, Hinn immediately broke out into a cold sweat.
“‘It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God,'” Hinn muttered as he considered the possibility that God might judge his every action. According to witnesses, beads of sweat began to gather on his brow and race down his face. “Oh boy. I might be in trouble.”
“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.”
Witnesses claim Hinn then spent several minutes in a state of existential dread, staring off into the void as he considered all the millions of people he had swindled out of their hard-earned cash, as well as the many times he had exploited the name of Jesus for his own financial gain. He then audibly gasped at the thought of facing Almighty God to answer for every one of his actions.
At publishing time, Hinn had comforted himself by reading several posts arguing against the possibility of God’s existence on Reddit’s r/atheism forum, according to sources.