KANSAS CITY, MO — In the middle of what would eventually be a 9-3 drubbing against the Minnesota Twins, Kansas City Royals announcers spent hours searching for new ways to spice up the broadcast by talking about anything other than the game going on in front of them.
"Is that a red-tailed hawk flying over the stadium?" asked commentator Ryan Lefebvre asked as the fans in attendance were treated to yet another riveting conference taking place on the pitcher's mound. "Anyways, as I was saying, I've really been taking a more detailed approach to my toenail grooming lately…"
The team's broadcast crew has been at the forefront of innovating ways to make games more exciting. Earlier this season, commentators released a crate of tarantulas in the broadcast booth, leading to the most unpredictable performance by announcers in baseball history. Last week, listeners were riveted by the commentary team's detailed descriptions of fights taking place between drunken fans in the stands. "You never know what you might get to hear during the game," said Royals fan Andy Warren. "It gets pretty weird and random at times, but it's way more exciting than the actual game."
"I made an appointment to have my tires rotated next week," said color commentator Rex Hudler as shortstop Bobby Witt, Jr. grounded into a double play. "And after that, I plan on replacing the mulch in the flower beds around my house. Really excited about that!"
At publishing time, fans in attendance at the stadium breathed a sigh of relief when an incoming storm caused a rain delay, while fans watching the game at home were eager to have the opportunity to catch an old rerun of Murder She Wrote.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!