FLAGSTAFF, AZ - Local Baptist child Paul Libbons was drafted into the Christmas choir this year and was given the lead on "What Child Is This?" according to sources. Libbons was seen onstage at the church's Christmas choir this past Sunday bracing himself for the part where he has to sing the word "ass".
"OK, here it comes," he thought to himself. "You can do this. You've practiced it a hundred times. No, you've never actually said the word, even during rehearsal, but this is it. It's showtime, kid. Your parents gave you the OK. This is the only time you'll ever be able to say this word and not get the beating of your life. It's just a performance. It means donkey. You can do it. I believe in myself!"
As the first chorus finished up, Libbons knew his hour was at hand. "Haste, haste, to bring Him laud, The Babe, the Son of Mary!" he sang out. As the backing cassette tape played an instrumental fill between the stanzas, Libbons took a moment to steel himself. Finally, the time had come to sing "where ox and ass are feeding" and he stepped forward, boldly and confidently, to sing the word "ass" for the first time in his life.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed he'd inadvertently sung the word "bottom" instead.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
