Babylon Mom: Be Present, Not Sober
Opinion · Oct 6, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

Hey everyone, sorry it's been a while since I've updated this blog. It's just been crazy around here!

Moms, I'm just going to say it.

I know it's not "politically correct," but girl: It's okay to take some wine time.

In a world where our entire lives revolve around getting our five blonde-haired, blue-eyed, aspiring model kids into various Zoom meeting classes, sports events and commercial auditions, it's so important that we take time to self-medicate. That's why, when I finally get a moment to breathe between Jaxquylynn's Art class at 7:00 AM and Cambherland's Social Studies twenty minutes later, I'm not too proud to pull out a fresh bottle of rosé and pour myself a glass or three, and continue chipping away at it throughout the rest of the day.

Will Brennlynn remember me in the background of her AP History class, adjusting my "Live, Laugh, Love" letterboard for the fifteenth time, because that bottle of Barefoot is throwing off my equilibrium? Maybe. Will Braxtauhn remember the scent of white wine on his mom's breath while I'm dragging him out of our Chevy Tahoe to a promising casting call for a local pizza commercial? Probably. Will Hexygauhn recall her mom doing somersaults while holding a "Mommy's little helper" flask in the middle of the soccer field during her practice game? I'm not sure, I haven't followed up with her therapist yet.

But you know what they will all absolutely remember?

I was present.

Not sober. Not even necessarily conscious. But present.

I know there's always going to be some moms and soccer coaches that will judge me and say I'm not doing it right. But the fact is, there is no one right way to be a parent. And if some assistance from the old magic vine is what it takes to get you through the day and actually be there for your kids, then I think it's worth it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a headache that a bottle of prosecco is sure to help.


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