Sad: The New Napoleon Movie Appears To Be About Some French Guy And Not A High School Kid With Awesome Bo Staff Skills And Friggin' Sweet Dance Moves
Entertainment · Nov 26, 2023 ·

U.S. — Moviegoers were dismayed to learn the new release Napoleon is about some French guy instead of an eccentric young llama owner with an affinity for tots.

"What a complete and total letdown," said Rodney Simmons as he walked out of theater. "No Kip, no tetherball -- one out of five stars."

Though replete with explosions and French stuff, Napoleon sorely lacked sweet bo staff skills and people wearing American flag pants. Fan favorites such as Pedro, Uncle Rico, and LaFawnduh were notably left out, leaving audiences angry. "They took out every single character I loved and replaced them with random French people," complained Deborah Johns. "Instead of whimsically rollerblading into town, everyone's legs are getting blown off with cannonballs. What the heck?"

Thousands of fans have reportedly walked out of the movie, as hopes of seeing footballs being lobbed over mountains and amazing dance moves went wanting. Film critics have likewise lambasted Napoleon, saying Ridley Scott's latest project failed to live up to the glory of its predecessor. "Ridley had Napoleon trade in his signature high-waisted jeans and 'Vote For Pedro' shirt for French military garb, and the results were nothing less than disastrous," said movie reviewer Andrew Gleitz. "This abomination is Ridley Scott's 'Waterloo' moment."

At publishing time, Napoleon had suffered a disastrous opening weekend as word spread that the film wasn't even set in Idaho.

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