BRIGHTON, UK — The Attenborough family reportedly expressed regret for having brought Grandpa to the beach with them for a leisure weekend. The grandkids in particular wished he would just shut up and let them enjoy the beach.
"As the sun peeks through clouds to light up a sandy shore, we observe a group of humans claiming a spot of land near the cold surf. This tight-knit herd of adults and offspring has brought with them various items to enhance their experience such as a cooler to store their food and — Oof!" Grandpa's monologue was cut short by a frisbee hitting him in the chin.
"The adults relaxing under makeshift shade apparatuses are completely unaware that some of their more reckless young have shown aggression toward the family patriarch with a plastic flying toy in an attempt to undermine his dominance over the herd, a common practice among this fascinating species," droned the 96-year old while someone tried to distract him with a Coke and some crisps.
When lunchtime arrived, the family did their best to enjoy their lunch of sandwiches and melon, despite Grandpa comparing their feast in the sun to a pod of orcas toying with a helpless baby humpback whale before devouring it.
"A batch of small humans have wandered into the murky depths, perhaps oblivious to the complex, often dangerous lifeforms lurking just out of sight while an intrepid group of adults surrounds the family's beloved patriarch and leads him gently to the parking lot."
As the afternoon sun warmed the sandy shore, the family played in the water, built sandcastles, and lounged under umbrellas while Grandpa Attenborough was observed sitting silently in the minivan, tied up with a sock stuffed in his mouth.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.