HOUSTON, TX — In a thrilling end to a stellar season, the Houston Astros beat the Philadelphia Phillies in game 6 to secure a World Series championship for the first time ever in the team's history.
"I'm so proud of this team and of our victory, which is definitely our first major victory as no other World Series victories have ever preceded it for this team," said team manager Dusty Baker. "Now I know what a legitimate championship win feels like! Cool!"
Pitcher Justin Verlander is also reveling in the team's first major win. "I hope that next year we can snag our second World Series title, which will definitely be our second as this was our first," he said while counting on his fingers.
Experts say this year's Astros win will go down in history as a great victory, as soon as they finish reviewing over 22,000 hours of television and security cam footage as well as FBI interviews with players and spectators — just to make sure.
Former Astros manager Jeff Luhnow also issued a statement on the exciting win, which he submitted in morse code banged on a trash can.
This man is under arrest - for MANSPLAINING!