MONTGOMERY, AL — According to sources, local man Jason Donaldson is feeling defeated in his Christian walk as he continues to struggle with sin over and over again. Also, he hasn't read or opened his Bible since January 2 of this year.
"Why can't I resist temptation? Why do I struggle so much?" he said as his leather-bound copy of God's Word collected dust under his bed. "This is too hard? Why won't God speak to me? Is he even real?"
Donaldson has reached out to several of his closest friends and family members for answers as to what he might be doing wrong.
"Have you tried therapy?" said his second cousin in a lengthy text message. "My best friend's wife's stepson's boss went to therapy and said it is totally working."
Being unable to afford $1,000 per month for therapy, Donaldson has begun searching the internet for answers as to what might help him. In addition, he has read Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and tried meditation, but nothing seems to be working.
"If only God would speak to me in the times I needed to hear his voice most, this would be easier," said the frustrated man.
At publishing time, the man started watching Jordan Peterson videos and became very intrigued by these "biblical writings" the Canadian professor was talking about.
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: