WASHINGTON, D.C.—The two articles of impeachment leveled against President Trump were originally announced to be abuse of power and obstruction of Congress.
These didn't poll very well, however, so Democrats went back to the drawing board to come up with something that might play well with their base of radicals. Nancy Pelosi announced Monday that the articles of impeachment will now just read, "ORANGE MAN BAD" in giant letters.
"It's clear, to the point, and honest," said Pelosi. "We congresspeople aren't very used to honesty, so we'll see how this goes. But hopefully, people will see the crime of Trump being a bad orange man definitely rises to the level of high crimes and misdemeanors."
Pelosi admitted the first two articles they introduced were drummed-up charges and that this one's "the real deal."
Trump fired back, pointing out that being a bad orange man isn't an impeachable offense. "Show me where in the Constitution it says you can't be a brave man of color and also do bad stuff. It's not there. You can't do it. The do-nothing Democrats are EMPTY-HANDED! SAD!"
"ORANGE MAN GOOD! ORANGE MAN GOOD!" he chanted, trying to get his aides to chant along, but they only did so half-heartedly.