You wake up in the middle of the night to discover a toddler has silently been staring at you for the last hour. Is it your normal child... or is it a demon? Parents have struggled with this question for thousands of years. That's why we've consulted the brightest toddler scientists to answer the age-old question: is your kid demon-possessed or just a typical toddler?
Normal Toddler: Their head spins clockwise their shoulders like a top as they projectile vomit across the room.
Demon-Possessed: Head spins counterclockwise.
Normal Toddler: Screams in an unintelligible language while writhing on the floor.
Demon-Possessed: Same, but sounds kind of Latin.
Normal Toddler: Levitates when denied screen time.
Demon-Possessed: Levitates when denied chance to watch The View.
Normal Toddler: Masquerades in front of others as angel of light.
Demon-Possessed: Same.
Normal Toddler: Yells any known obscenities in church or other holy places
Demon-Possessed: Can also yell obscenities in French!
Normal Toddler: Tempts you to drink.
Demon-Possessed: Just made you an Old Fashioned.
Normal Toddler: Can speak perfect Latin (home-schooled).
Demon-Possessed: Can speak perfect Latin (but not home-schooled)
Normal Toddler: Leaves footprints on the ceiling, somehow.
Demon-Possessed: Walks on ceiling but no footprints.
Normal Toddler: Loves Bluey.
Demon-Possessed: Hates Bluey. (SEEK EXORCIST IMMEDIATELY)
Wow! Pretty hard to tell apart. We think we'll go home and put on some Bluey.
This freshman had a bright future ahead of her, but then her parents spent $250K to send her to a public university.
