CUPERTINO, CA — In a show of goodwill toward the loyal young employees who make its success possible, Apple has announced they will allow their child laborers in Asia to wear the company's new virtual reality headset to help them feel like they're at the playground during their 18-hour shifts.
"We figured, why not give a little back?" asked Apple CEO Tim Cook. "The billions of dollars our company rakes in each year comes on the backs of these small but mighty wonders toiling away in factories overseas. The least we can do is make their grueling workdays a little bit better."
Though the company has faced criticism over the years for its use of alleged "sweatshops" in China and other countries, Apple's leadership is hoping this new initiative will smooth things over. "Apple now say I wear headset when working," said 8-year-old employee Jia Bao Huang. "I now see beautiful mountainscape and unlimited episodes of Ted Lasso. Very good. My family eat meal this week? Please, yes?"
After unveiling the new headset product, Apple was expected to introduce a new line of virtual reality environments that will make life more enjoyable for its employees, including virtual trips to Disneyland, virtual vacations to exotic locations, and programs that will make the children feel like they're sitting at virtual tables of food. "Virtual food that looks so good you can almost taste it!" Cook said.
At publishing time, some of the child laborers had reportedly asked if they could exchange their headsets for just a few hours of sleep or non-virtual time spent with their families.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions