HOUSTON, TX — Representative Jasmine Crockett has officially launched her Senate bid, immediately hitting the campaign trail to "axe for votes."
Touting her new campaign slogan "Uh-Uh, No You Di-Uhnt", Crockett hopes to unseat Senator John Cornyn in the 2026 midterm elections.
"I ain't playin' baby girl, I runnin', which is why I be axing you fo yo votes," said the Rhodes graduate. "We out here talkin' 'bout showin' up, makin' noise, and actually usin' that ballot like it matter — 'cause it do. Every time we dip out on election day, somebody else makin' choices for us, and that ain't the move."
According to sources, Texans are reportedly close to understanding one or two of the words Ms. Crockett said in her launch speech. "Are there subtitles?" asked local man Roger Dowell, attempting to watch the speech. "Closed caption isn't working at all. Poor girl, usually they have a translator up there when they don't speak English. I don't know what the heck is happening here."
Crockett responded by condemning Dowell for inexcusable bigotry. "Dat cracka be RAYcist," said Crockett.
At publishing time, the Crockett campaign had stated that all previous videos of the candidate not using ghetto slang were AI deepfakes.
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