CUPERTINO, CA — In recognition of the hard-working Uyghur people enslaved in China, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced new iPhones would be etched with the name of the slave who assembled them.
"At Apple, we are all about innovation, not just in technology but in business," Cook said during Tuesday's live Apple event. "That's why today we are giving credit where credit is due. Everyone involved in the iPhone deserves to be recognized, even the Uyghur slaves in China that we exploit on a daily basis."
Apple fans had been feeling "icky" in recent years because of Apple's close cooperation with China and the involvement of Uyghur slave workers, say sources, but Apple fans see this as a step in the right direction.
"I've always wondered who assembled my phone. Now I know!" said iPhone owner Clint Fiji.
Amber Gala, an iPhone SE 2 owner, said, "Phones are getting so expensive I thought I'd never upgrade again, but how can I say no to a Uyghur-sponsored iPhone?"
"Gotta' support those Uyghur slaves!"
When pressed, Apple CEO Tim Cook clarified that Uyghur slaves would not receive monetary compensation. "The name on the phone is more than enough," Cook laughed, a twinkle in his eyes.
At publishing time, Apple clarified that the new feature would be an option costing an additional $399 per phone.
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