Apple Announces iPhone 15 Will Come Emblazoned With Name Of Uyghur Slave Who Assembled It
Tech · Sep 12, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

CUPERTINO, CA — In recognition of the hard-working Uyghur people enslaved in China, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced new iPhones would be etched with the name of the slave who assembled them.

"At Apple, we are all about innovation, not just in technology but in business," Cook said during Tuesday's live Apple event. "That's why today we are giving credit where credit is due. Everyone involved in the iPhone deserves to be recognized, even the Uyghur slaves in China that we exploit on a daily basis."

Apple fans had been feeling "icky" in recent years because of Apple's close cooperation with China and the involvement of Uyghur slave workers, say sources, but Apple fans see this as a step in the right direction.

"I've always wondered who assembled my phone. Now I know!" said iPhone owner Clint Fiji.

Amber Gala, an iPhone SE 2 owner, said, "Phones are getting so expensive I thought I'd never upgrade again, but how can I say no to a Uyghur-sponsored iPhone?"

"Gotta' support those Uyghur slaves!"

When pressed, Apple CEO Tim Cook clarified that Uyghur slaves would not receive monetary compensation. "The name on the phone is more than enough," Cook laughed, a twinkle in his eyes.

At publishing time, Apple clarified that the new feature would be an option costing an additional $399 per phone.


World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.